花落有時


3.24

上周一,在我還關心著日本災情的當兒,一位我從小熟悉的老人,安詳地離開了人世。一年間,我嫲嫲和他都相繼走了,也不曉得那是否一種隱隱的召喚;溫柔靈淨,如水上落花,飄往彼岸幽谷。我們都叫他張公公,他是我嫲嫲多年的老伴,自我和妹妹有記憶之初,已常到我嫲嫲家中作客,很安靜地吃茶、看電視、讀報、午睡,有時也一起去散步,臉上總是慈愛樂天的笑容。

相對於那戰亂流離歷史中的許多人,他們前半生的故事大概很尋常,縱有遺憾,也無大書特書的需要,事實上我們所知又是何其有限。我只能猜想他倆當時各自離開了成長的地方,在大時代中努力求存;雖也經歷過生離死別,卻不能不說是幸運地有了安穩的家庭,老來可弄孫為樂。初中時一年春天,他曾跟我們一家去上海旅行,記得大家一起陪他走到公安局,他逕自講起我沒聽過的上海話,希望找尋一個小時住過的地址。那個老胡同當然不復存在,但終究圓了一個回去「看一看」的心願。

後來我參與社運,那年趙紫陽逝世,他一家人來維園悼念,碰上我在幫忙,他特意走來緊緊握我的手一下,臉上是一樣的笑容;後來有幾年六四晚會也碰到他一家人。在我嫲嫲的世界裡,政治很恐怖,因此常常嘮叨說不要「搞事」,但張公公每次都會把我見報的報道拿給她看,幾年下來,嫲嫲都好像沒好氣了。

去年嫲嫲急病入院,未幾已昏迷,口中都是模模糊糊的話。那時張公公從家裡找回很多他們以前拍下的合照,希望嫲嫲看到會更有力量。但她還是走了,也沒留下甚麼話。出殯時他跟家人來,也是一樣的笑容,說嫲嫲怎樣疼我們姊妹倆。而我們都長大了,知道我們及我們愛的人有天都終會離開。謹此給篤信天主的他們一家獻上祝福。愛是永不止息的。

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花落有時” 有 3 則迴響

  1. This is wonderful Crystal! For having to be away during your formative years and missing out all those day-to-day splendid moments, I am glad to know that we all were touched by his generosity and open-mindedness.

    From your fleeting thoughts and rants on facebook to your sharing such intimate thoughts in earnest in the AM730 columns, I am glad to have the opportunity to come to know you, as a grown, mature and responsible adult, better than I ever have before. I wish I can entice you to come visit us in New York/US some day soon.

  2. chowching

    i’m so happy that u find the article touching! yes, i do miss grandma and mr.cheung as well. religious or not, somehow it’s relieving to think of them finally getting reunion in another world that is blessed with peace.
    are u coming to the funeral? it would be great if we all get to meet!

    1. Hi Crystal,

      I have gone back and forth on that issue and I have finally decided that I WILL be flying home to attend the funeral. After having to miss several funerals since moving to US, this particular one is just too important to miss.

      See you this coming thursday! Hope we’ll have some time to catch up before I leave on Sunday the 3rd.

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