not to live with others’ expectation, nor with something which looks like the one i’d yearn for and yet turns out to be a mere disguise of my own fragility. i’m always my own worst enemy. i seek to escape from the overwhelming darkness but i am also the one who blocks the only glimmer out there on my way.
maybe i’ve gone forward, a vain little step though. maybe i haven’t. maybe i’ve been going through the same place in and out, again and again, and yet i missed that glimmer which i was to grab, every time. we’d never know. at the end, the whole thing is very religious in nature.
we hold on our belief on certain things for sure. we expect ourselves as someone stronger and more compassionate, and sometimes we have to make believe to be so. but then we have to face those defects of ours and admit that there are something we can’t do.
and you. you are there in my mind, in a strangely prominent way somehow, as if you are visional and yet so elegantly real. like a mellow resonance in the air. a gentle glance beneath shiny sunlight. a smile that being submerged by the crowd of nameless faces. and there it is, my endless longing. an imaginary space with utmost tenderness, defenselessness and indulgence. like the breeze that you feel with your eyes closed and your head clear, meditating. and then i find myself rejoicingly dislocated in time, being able to catch a glimpse of what love looks like.